The Clock is Ticking

"The inner fire is the most important thing mankind possesses." ~Edith Sodergran

Isn't this true? Maybe not the most important thing, but without some sort of inner fire, what drives us?

That's what I've been trying to figure out lately. Just what drives me.

I went to see "Nights in Rodanthe" yesterday. I'd completely forgotten that it was based on Nicholas Sparks's book of the same name. Had I remembered, I would also have gone to Wal-Mart to pick up a box of tissues prior to the movie. Yes, ladies, it will make you cry. Big boo-hoo tears, too.

Duh, it's a Sparks movie. *wink*

Anyway, at one point, Adrienne (Diane Lane) and Paul (Richard Gere) are looking this driftwood box that she'd made years before. The local lore says that you build this box and put things that are most important to you in your life. They get around to the idea that these things are the things that save you. And he asks her, "What saves you?"

(Now that I think about it, I may have misunderstood what he said, but the point is still the same.)

What saves you?

The obvious answer here, for someone like me, is Christ. Right? And no, I don't mean to belittle the idea that my faith in Christ is what drives me and fills me. Because it absolutely does.

But, that's not all. I think where I'm going with this is that what saves me, what really really does it for me in ways that I can name, is where I see Christ in my world everyday. Only, I don't think I've ever said it that way before.

What saves me? In no particular order, other than this is how I can best put words to it.

Music. Music is such a huge part of my world. I don't know how to function in silence. Power outtages? Thank God for my iPod. You know the old question, if you had to lose one of your five senses, which one would you choose? Sight. No question. I can get by not seeing the people and places that I love. I could live without seeing the beauty around me. But I couldn't bear the thought of not hearing music, or the birds, or the voices of my loved ones. Not a one. I guess, really, what I mean is sound, more than music. But, when all else is silent, I plug into my music and escape.

My family. For all the times I've wanted to scream at them (and I know that makes me no different than anyone else.), I know that in the end, I'd be lost without them. Moms and daughters are supposed to clash a bit, I really do believe that. (And I fear families in which that doesn't happen.) Brothers and sisters aren't supposed to be perfect angels together when growing up (again with the fear). And Daddies are supposed to risk it all for their little girls when they're being stupid. And you know what, that's how my family is. I don't know how we got here, because I'm certain the dynamic that the 4 of us have is nothing like how my parents grew up in their childhood homes. And sometimes, I wish we could go back to our little foursome in the house across town.

The WonderDog. I know this is probably silly-sounding to an outsider. But, I got WD during a time in my life that was dark. I was very low, I was alone in that way that only the isolated feel. I'd wanted to get a dog when I first moved out of my parents' house, but decided to wait until I finished my grad school, so that I would be home to be with a dog. I finished my graduate work in August. In October, someone at work said his dog was going to have an unplanned litter puppies at the end of the month, half yorkie/half schnauzer. (Imagine, WD's parents were papered pure breds. Oh the horror! Oh the shame!) I told him to keep me in mind, I might want one of the pups. Turns out WD was the runt, and the only boy in the litter. He's also the cutest one in the whole bunch. He healed my wounded heart and mind. Four years later, he's my favorite little buddy.

So...what saves you?

So, I'm off this week, allegedly preparing to teach summer school. Actually, I am supposed to be prepping for that, but since I've done the same thing content-wise for the last 3 years, I'm not especially worried about it.

Instead, I'm doing the Stillness Experiment and planting vegetables on my patio. (And GLOATING about the vegetables.) I can feel a real surge in my writing coming on, because I find myself looking more closely at words and quotes lately.

So, because I see anything that encourages my writing as a blessing, I'm going to count the quotes that have stuck in my head the last week or so as my blessings this week. These are the words I am thankful for.

1. Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

2. Faith and doubt are needed--not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve. (Lillian Smith)

3. The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery. (Anais Nin)

4. Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity. (R. I. Fitzhenry)

5. Never fear shadows...that always means there is a light shining somewhere. (Jonathon Santos)


6. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. (Albert Einstein)

7. Einstein was a man who could ask immensely simple questions. And what his work showed is that when the answers are simple too, then you can hear God thinking. (Jacob Bronowski)

8. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)

9. We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand. (Randy Pausch)

10. And then, this song. Gary Allan--mmm...definitely about him *wink*.



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