The Clock is Ticking

Please excuse my crappy video skills. This was taken on Phoebe, my cell phone.

We finally have an answer. However, this is at 7:18 in the evening. I stopped drinking coffee at noon.


Free quizzes, widgets, and gadgets at OnePlusYou

I found this over at Sharon's blog, Reservoir.

Is this not the best quote for my month? (Okay, I know you don't all know what my month has included, but I'm happy..that's all you need to know.)

The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes.
~Frank Lloyd Wright

Here's a little challenge for whomever would like to play.

Tell me why this quote works for you today, this week, this month, this year (dare I say, this decade, century, millenium? heeeheeeeheeeeheeee!!!)

I'll share mine later today. Y'all go with you it. Post a comment here, and once I figure out Mr. Linky, I'll put make it available for this morning.

Today's "10 Things Tuesday" is brought to you by caffiene.

Or maybe by Advil.

Actually, I think it's brought to you by a totally off the wall sponsor--Gold Bond Medicated Anti-Itch Cream. If you'll just read my list, I'll 'splain that one.

1. ONLY 3 days left with students before the school year ends. YAY!!!! I love my job, but OMG I need a break!

2. I get to stay late and earn some overtime (which never happens in education). I have to remind myself that this opportunity is a blessing...because I forgot I was scheduled to and really wanted to go home.

3. I've a new, geeky place to head when I need something to read. The Britannica Blog Yes, I found this because I like to read Encyclopedia Britannica Online. Hey.. I get free access from the state, why wouldn't I at least look?

4. I laid out Saturday, by the pool. (That's not the blessing.) I not only wore sunblock--SPF 30--I also made sure to reapply every 45 minutes or so. (Still not it.) I wound up horribly sunburned on my chest, which is apparently the fairest part of my body to ever be exposed to the sun. Yesterday, I awoke to itching on my chest so bad that I could not think straight and was crying--not just from the itching/pain but also from the frustration of not being able to do anything other than suffer. (Obviously, still not the blessing, wait for it.) Here's the blessing---Gold Bond Medicated Anti-Itch Cream took it all away. I didn't hurt, I didn't itch, and I stopped crying.

5. I'm feeling super-introspective these days. I think I get what my problem's been lately. I've really just been 'making it' in terms of my own understanding of my relationship with God. I'm starting to determine what that's really supposed to be for me not for the masses.

6. Some of my former students, and current ones, are coming by to tell me thank you. I didn' even know they were listening.

7. It's still beautiful out. And going to stay that way for a few days. I love it. The sun light (even if it burns me) just does me in.

8. This site is cool. Earthlab.com It really helps you figure out where you can not only "live green" but where you can cut back on some of your own costs. And the recipes from Mario Batali are amazing!

9. Did I mention there's only 3 days left with kids in the school year? Hallelujah!

10. I'm just happy lately. Don't know why, just am.

Visit XBox Wife for more blessings today.

Today, I'm feeling seriously blessed...

1. THREE days in a row that are just beautiful. Sunny days make me feel so good.

2. Doing some reading, and really enjoying the thought processes coming out of it.

3. Bought a new toy...meet Chloe. She's the silver one.

4. Sat in tree last night. Did not see one of these

(posted by anewperspective)

But I did see one of these


(posted by jpstanley)

and it was beautiful.





5. I just colored my hair, a la Miss Clairol. This may or may not be a blessing. It is, however, significantly cheaper than paying for it. (That is a blessing.)

6. The WonderDog is a darling. I think he grew up all of a sudden. He's just so calm the last couple of weeks.

7. Running, running, running....I love to go running...

8. Been writing a lot the last few days. Good to get words on paper.

9. Only 8 days left in the school year. Only 6 with kids, for me. Yeehaw! I'm so ready for a change of pace, even if it's just a week off before I start teaching summer school.

10. Speaking of a change of pace....I'm not really sleeping better, as far as longer, but the quality is better.

Hm....I'm sure there's others, but I'm holding my cards close.

To see other blessings, visit XBox Wife's Ten Things Tuesday Carnival this week.

This started as a hand-written journal entry today. And morphed into an email I sent an acquaintance. It was his email that sent me into a tailspin. I'm going to try to piece it together for you, here.

I was asked what I really want. Well..I have to tell you that question is what sent me into a spin. I thought I knew, though I haven't voiced dreams or desires in some time. I can't think 2 years down the road right now, much less 10. And maybe that's because right now I feel secure in my job (which means I feel secure in the things that go along with being employed, like financial security). I mean, they've let me be in on a big project--it would be a cruel joke to not let me continue that. And my district is full of politics, but they aren't flat out mean.

I've been struggling of late with my faith. I'm not concerned that it's ailing--I'm quite a joyous Presbyterian, thank you. I even feel like, for the most part, I'm living an active and what I call a "naked eye" faith. Meaning that Christ in my life is visible to the naked eye. I know, quite certainly, in Whom my salvation lies. Moreover, I am a rejoicing Christian

I'm just feeling disconnected. Out of touch with my own personal faith. A 'medicine head' kind of feeling. I feel a little lost and like I'm doing things by rote, not by desire.

Church on Sunday, grace at the table, prayers at bedtime. Yeehaw.

I read something this afternoon that feels like it applies to me. The guy was describing a 20 year old leaving for his first away from home college experience. The kid is in a questioning place, and the big question is whether to keep hold of the faith that he was taught by someone else or to create his own relationship with Christ that may not look like his parents. In other words, drop the one-size-fits-all model for one that is tailor-made.

I feel like, after 25 years of the one-size-fits-all, I've outgrown it. So, I'm praying for the ability to define my relationship with my Savior, not the Savior.

By the way, the book I was reading today is Surprise Me: a 30-Day Faith Experiment. It's by Terry Esau. Yesterday I read Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture. I'm not done with Surprise Me, yet. But I have to tell you that if there's any book (other than the Bible) I'm liable to tell people they MUST READ, it's Pausch's book. I am completely humbled by his words.

Destinations have actually been on my mind a lot this week. My brother and I have been discussing our not-so-annual vacation to celebrate our birthdays. (We haven't gone in 2 years, but we had gotten together for several years before that.) It's always a long weekend, usually the weekend in between our birthdays in October. And it's just us, much to The Mother's chagrin, disappointment, consternation--pick one, or add your own!

And, I reason to think we'll try to continue this as we move into relationships. I think it's going to wind up being very healthy and important for us to do it.

Anyway, the Friday Five at RevGalBlogPals is about destinations this week.

Name five places that fall into the following categories:

1) Favorite Destination -- someplace you've visited once or often and would gladly go again
Honestly, DisneyWorld. I love being there, it reminds you to be a kid, even when you are
fighting to be an adult (can you tell I went as a teenager?).

2) Unfavorite Destination -- someplace you wish you had never been (and why)
Hmm..Tulsa. For those of you long-time fans, you know I think Tulsa in July makes an
appearance in Dante's work. Otherwise, I don't really have an answer. I've always enjoyed the
places that I go, destination-wise. There are some situations I wouldn't visit again, though.

3) Fantasy Destination -- someplace to visit if cost and/or time did not matter
Spain. Specifically the Tarragona area. I'm seriously jealous of my parents for going.

4) Fictional Destination -- someplace from a book or movie or other art or media form you would love to visit, although it exists only in imagination
Oh, I thought this would be easy! It's not--totally a drew a blank. Narnia is a first, beloved
choice. Hazzard County (of Dukes of Hazzard fame), I've always been in love with Bo and
Luke Duke. *grin* And, also...because I've always liked the way life seems to move slower
there, Greenbow County, Alabama, from Forrest Gump. (As a librarian, I feel like I should
be picking more "literary" places. Oh well.)
5) Funny Destination -- the funniest place name you've ever visited or want to visit
I'll be honest, I can't think of any place. I'm sure there is one, but it's escaping me. I'll update
if I think of one.

For more ruminations about destinations, visit this week's Friday Five at RevGalBlogPals.

I just came across this on Mrs. Brownstone's blog.


It's just a beautiful performance piece. Do enjoy it, and have a blessed day!

Over at RevGalBlogPals, Sally reminds us that

Prayer is a joy to some of us, and a chore to others, waiting likewise can be filled with anticipation or anxiety....

Geez..this is SO true. Both that, and knowing that from day to day, I have a different experience with both prayer and waiting.

So how do you wait and pray?

1. How do you pray best, alone or with others? Mostly, I prefer to pray alone. Others wind up being a distraction for me. Not because of anything they set out to do, but because I notice things about them. Like, a sniffle, wiggling a foot, etc.

2. Do you enjoy the discipline of waiting, is it a time of anticipation or anxiety? It really depends on what I'm waiting for. I'd love to say waiting is easy for me, but I have very little patience.

3. Is there a time when you have waited upon God for a specific promise? I am right now. I'm also struggling with the notion that the promise isn't what I want it to be. (Long story short--I'm single and don't like it much.)

4. Do you prefer stillness or action? Again, it depends. Sometimes, I want an answer yesterday. Some days, I'm content to be still and wait until He opts to make a move.

5. If ( and this is slightly tongue in cheek) you were promised one gift spiritual or otherwise what would you choose to receive? I should probably say patience, but then He'd be all about TEACHING me to be patient. I'd like courage, I'd like wisdom. I'd like a deeper knowledge and understanding of Him.

And time..I never feel like I have enough of it and I often fear that I'm not devoting enough to Him.

For more thoughts about prayer and waiting, visit RevGalBlogPals this week.

Hm...I haven't posted a 10 things in a couple weeks. Not that I haven't had plenty to be thankful for, I just haven't had time to sit and tell you what I'm thankful for. That's okay, I'll keep going to night until I run out of things to share (that'll make up for it, right? *grin*)

1. I met a man who knows what to do with these when he sees them:




For the record, it is not say "Ooo, look! A piggie!"




2. He makes me giggle ;).


3. The WonderDog has no fleas. Did you know that vinegar and lemon juice diluted with water can be sprayed on your dog and it will either kill or run off fleas? Then, if you put salt down on your carpets and leave it overnight, it'll dehydrate the fleas who are mostly water. So, when you vacuum in the morning, they all go bye-bye. Do it again in a week or so to catch any new births from eggs laid.

4. I survived 4 days in Dallas. And the car trip that got me there.

5. I've inherited my grandmother's stoneware dishes from the 60s, maybe the 50s. I had no idea she owned these, but they're mine now. I've often felt like she's watching me since she passed four years ago. Now I have a little bit of her in my home.

6. I'm losing weight! I won't ask how or go into details. Just say YAY!!

7. The old-lady creams and potions I got from Avon are WORKING!

8. I got a replacement phone in the mail Friday. It's so nice to discover it working better than the first one EVER did.

9. I'm sleeping through the night again. I bought one of those noise machines. I set it on the ocean wave noise, and I'm out like a light.

10. It's been pretty and warm lately. I love this time of year, I get to feel pretty in my little sundresses and skirts.

11. Pedicures are heavenly. Right up there with new socks.

12. Read several good books lately. All for teenagers.

13. WonderDog is sleeping through the night, too. I guess the noise machine drowns out all the outside noise for him, too.

14. Go to YouTube. Search for "canine freestyling." You will laugh. I promise. Anything that makes me laugh is a blessing.

15. I've just been happy lately. I smile more, and fewer things annoy me.

"It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know and I feel fine."
--R.E.M.

I've always kind of laughed at the lyrics to the R.E.M. song. I laughed freakin' hard when I saw the movie "Independence Day" in theaters (on, ironically, Independence Day). Pay close attention, the song playing in the opening sequence in the room where they're monitoring the skies is R.E.M.'s "End of the World as We Know It."

I've always laughed because I happen to think that phrase pretty regular. Like this year, at work. Things have been happening there that I don't like. Things involving the students. Since it's been in the news, I don't feel bad saying we've had a loaded gun on campus.

It scares me. Quite a bit. Since Columbine, either I'm more aware of things like that, or they actually are happening more often. I don't know which it is, and I don't guess that part matters. It's a huge problem to me that it's happening at all. I realize that lots of people see it at as a huge problem, too.

And really, after Columbine, I really had the words "it's the end of the world as we know it" go through my head.

I think we're on a downward spiral. We're outraged when something like a school shooting. But, you know, there were days and days and days of coverage after Columbine. After the Virginia Tech shootings, it was a week-ish. We're becoming desensitized and it's really rather sad. Evil should shock us, should make us stop and feel anger and fear. It shouldn't be one of those "oh my gosh, again? okay, what else is on?" deals.

Do I think there's hope for our future? Of course there is. There has to be. It can't keep going down without hitting a bottom somewhere. And once you're there, there's only direction to go--up.

Actually, the Sunday Scribblings prompt is about the future of the planet. Check it out to see other takes.

I never expected to have a spiritual 'ah-ha' moment in a room full of librarians, at the largest state conference of them.

But I did.

I never realized that a prayer for peace in my soul and sense of humor about a situation that would be fraught with annoyance would be answered in a foreign language.

But it was.

Fanga Alafia, ase, ase.

We were being entertained by a rhythm duo and were taught what we were told was a Liberian welcome song (I've since been researching and can find a similar form in Nigerian, and then listed as just a West African chant. Whatever. That part isn't pertinent to my moment.)

Fange Alafia, ase, ase.

They told us that it means "Welcome to peace, so be it."

My gosh, or--more accurately--My God! These dang goofballs making us hum on kazoos (because you don't blow on them) were God's agents to my heart. To my mind.

I joked as I dealt with my frustration over a particular situation I was put in, that I had not under any circumstances prayed for patience on this trip. I'm not stupid. I don't ask for patience because God doesn't grant virtues like patience. Rather, he provides teachable moments. Because I know that and I don't take well to force-fed lesson, I don't ever ask for patience. EVER.

No, no, I asked for peace. Did you know, as I now do, that those moments and things (and people) that try our patience are the things that God will sue to teach us peace.

Welcome to peace. So be it.

Peace doesn't always look like a pastoral scene. Or a white dove. Or a sleeping baby.

Remember, Jesus on the boat? Sleeping soundly though the storm raging around Him on the Sea of Galilee? That's peace--the ability to be calm when surrounded by a world that would have you be frantic, angry, frayed at the edges. To be calm when all inside you wants to be anything but. Because there is no point in falling prey to those feelings, they will not remedy the situation.

Fanga Alafia. Ase, ase.

Welcome to peace. So be it.

Over at RevGalBlogPals, the Friday Five is up. Certainly some good things to think about, I actually looked at it this morning, But wasn't able to stop and write because I was being bombarded! But I kept it in the back of mind.

1. What modern convenience/invention could you absolutely, positively not live without?
My laptop, Emily. And my cell phone, Phoebe. Yes, they're named. And they're synced. They get along quite well, thank you.

2. What modern convenience/invention do you wish had never seen the light of day? Why?
The alarm clock. Because it interrupts a perfectly good sleep cycle.

3. Do you own a music-playing device older than a CD player? More than one? If so, do you use it (them)?
Personally? No. But we do have tape recorders at work.

4. Do you find the rapid change in our world exciting, scary, a mix...or something else?
A mix--I love technology and really do enjoy learning the new stuff and being able to actually make my day more efficient. It's so exciting! On the scary side, we're training ourselves and our kids to not be self-sufficient without relying on the technology. Not to sound all Y2K here, but what if?

5. What did our forebears have that we have lost and you'd like to regain? Bonus points if you have a suggestion of how to begin that process.
The ability to live without all these tech pieces I am so reliant on. Easiness in silence--you know what I mean? You read about families sitting together on Sunday afternoon, not working, just resting quietly. Maybe reading the Bible, or whatever. But they weren't wired into noise makers. How do we get back to that? It's going to take concerted efforts to just enjoy God presence and realize that it's not at all related to the machines around us.

For more musings, check out this week's Friday Five at RevGalBlogPals.

Assault by Carrot

Thirteen Things about Jayne--Words I Love




1. Molybdenum

2. Aluminum

3. Grace

4. Plum

5. Coffee

6. Dale, Jr.

7. Blush

8. Breakfast

9. Pillow

10. Seep

11. Nap

12. Mint

13. Grrrr



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Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. (Albert Einstein)

Just doing a lot of thinking today. Ok, so I've been up for all of , oh, 30 minutes. Lately, I've been thinking about simplification. I think, sometimes, I complicate things because I can. That doesn't work, huh?

It's one of those things I need to work on. I say that I appreciate simplicity, and then I rework the things that I do or think. Not intentionally, it just happens.

Really, all that matters, is loving my God and being happy in my world. It really doesn't get any simpler than that, right?

This week's Friday Five is about moving. I don't enjoy moving. In fact, I don't plan to move again until I get married, whenever that may be. I keep saying I'd like to get out of apartment living and find a rent house, but the fact of the matter is, I won't. Unless rent gets much more ridiculous.

1. How many times have you moved? When was the last time? Um, counting in and out of dorm rooms in college, 7 times.

2. What do you love and hate about moving? I hate the packing, unpacking, lifting, carrying. Hm..pretty much all the physical stuff. I love getting organized and discovering new spaces.

3. Do you do it yourself or hire movers? I've done it both ways. I've also recruited family and friends. Pretty much I try to find others who can do the heavy lifting, because I'm not supposed to.

4. Advice for surviving and thriving during a move? Try to be organized and don't leave off packing until the night before. I also try to have a firm plan about where things need to go. I also learned to have the movers put the big stuff in the new place first--you can use that to stack boxes on afterwards so that you can still see the floor.

5. Are you in the middle of any inner moves, if not outer ones? Yeah, trying to remind myself to simplify things. Not just things that I do, but the way that I think.

Bonus: Share a piece of music/poetry/film/book that expresses something about what moving means to you.

Oh, this is easy. I wrote this poem in high school, and I think it applies to so many different situations.

Things are not as they
teach us--the Earth is hollow;
I have touched the sky.


**To see more posts about "moving" posts, check out this week's Friday Five at RevGalBlogPals.

Ok..this week, I'm actually feeling thankful for a lot of things. So, I'll play again. *grin*


1. I changed The WonderDog's food 10 days ago. Apparently, what I'd been feeding him has been tearing his stomach up for oh...3 years. Now, he gets excited about me putting supper down.

2. And we've had no instances that require a gas mask! (You probably don't want to know that, TMI and all that, but you have no idea how wonderful that is.)

3. I've been reading a lot, which just feeds my soul.

4. I got some new clothes this week. Including NEW SOCKS!

5. I think I've lost some weight. The clothes definitely fit differently, in a good way.

6. I really haven't watched my television this week, and that's really a good thing. Especially since nothing good's been on.

7. My insomnia hasn''t been too bad this week. Knock on wood.

8. I'm still loving my coffee.

9. Mrs. Brownstone is a new blog pal--YAY!

10. It was quiet at work today, so I put some CDs on and sand along...loud.

11. Heading up to see my aunt and uncle this weekend. Gonna stop in and see Ms. Judy on the way.

12. My Avon order came in today--all old lady stuff, but I'm so excited it's here!

OOOOOO...LOOK! I was an over-achiever! Mark it on your calendar, it won't happen again anytime soon!!

To see what others are thankful for this week, check out Ten Things Tuesday over at XBox Wife.

HEMA is a Dutch department store. The first store opened on November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam . Now there are 150 stores all over the Netherlands . HEMA also has stores in Belgium , Luxemburg, and Germany. In June of this year, HEMA was sold to British investment company Lion Capital.

Take a look at HEMA's product page. You can't order anything and it's in Dutch, just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens. Don't click on any of the products pictured, just wait and see what happens. And be sure you have your sound turned up.

This company has a sense of humor and a great computer programmer, ya?

HEMA

I love to look at pictures. This morning, as I was blog shopping, I landed on one that has some pictures that just do me in.

The Daily Coyote

I love to look at pictures of animals just enjoying life. Charlie is doing just that. I've always believed that when animals and people come together and it's a obviously a good thing, the animal has chosen them. I think Charlie's done that with Eli the cat and his human.

That's what I think about The WonderDog. He chose me. I didn't want a little boy dog. I actually, I wasn't picky at all. When the guy at work brought the puppies up, knowing I wanted one, he dropped them off in their laundry basket with one of the ladies in the front office. She called to tell me they were there and to come pick mine out.

He was sitting in her lap when I walked in, the only boy of the 5 puppies. I came through the door and he stood up and chirped at me. I patted his head and knelt beside the basket, a few feet away, looking them over. He walked to the edge of her lap, and she put him on the floor where he tumbled over and crawled in my lap. I think it took 2 seconds for him to curl up and fall asleep.

Now if that's not choosing me, I don't know what is.

And I tell you what, I wouldn't choose anyone else.

I'm not an endorser--unless it's a book or a good idea. Otherwise, you'll never know if I prefer Coke or Pepsi (Coke Zero), McDonald's or Burker King (Jack in the Box, actually), Nike over Adidas (Nike, all the way), blue states vs. red states (purple, to be honest).

In fact, the only thing you'll ever know for certain is that I much prefer Dale Earnhardt, Jr. over Jeff Gordon. If I have to explain that, you obviously aren't a fan.


jumping coffee beans,


But, I'm going to step out here and endorse some coffees. Yes, coffees.

Lola Savannah Coffee Company
This is a Houston native group. I started drinking Lola Savannah coffees when I discovered the food Mecca Central Market. I love good coffee, and love to buy good beans and grind 'em myself for my little coffee pot or my espresso machine. Grinding them yourself makes for a better coffee, regardless. Good beans just make it even better.

This morning, I'm having a spiritual experience over a new find. "Lunch with Elvis." Oh my..wonderful. The name caught my eye yesterday when I was browsing the beans. Then the description.."tastes like fried bananas and peanut butter!" (If you haven't had that particular delicacy, you need to try it.) And IT DOES! Mm..a little cream, a little sugar, PERFECTION! I'm singing Elvis Songs this morning. Okay, I'm thinking Elvis songs this morning, 'cuz I won't be singing much of anything with the coffee cup to my mouth.

Equal Exchange: Fairly Traded Coffee, Tea, & Chocolate
I can't feel bad about a company that is involved in fair trading. We've been involved with this project for only a little while at church, as part of the Presbyterian Coffee Project. (If you look at Equal Exchange's website, you'll find under the "Interfaith Program" tab that there are several denominations with coffee projects. Check it out, it's a good thing.) At our alternative Christmas market, we had a booth with fair trade coffees. I picked up a bag of the whole bean "mind, body, & soul" blend.

WOW. From the website...

"Popular on both coasts and points in between. Two roasts promote the hardiness of our Mexican beans and highlight the chocolate and spice that make this coffee a connoisseur's favorite. We blend the distinct characteristics of Oaxaca and Chiapas to bring true meaning to this smooth, soft and soulful cup of black gold. Our multi-roast blend accentuates the mellow body and light acidity along with the dark chocolate finish that beans from these two states are known for producing."

I'm here to tell you that it is in fact a soulful cup of coffee. And to know that I'm doing a little good because I'm drinking it makes me feel like I've put a point on my side of the Karma tally sheet. To be honest, I've tried a few of the different blends, and while this is my favorite, they're all good. You can't go wrong here.

You won't find me endorsing Folger's. I drink that only if there is nothing else--and even then I consider whether I really, really, REALLY need that cup of coffee before I put my lips to it. I figure if I'm going to have an addiction to something, I'm gonna be addicted to the good stuff, not the cheapy stuff.

I missed last week's Friday Five, though I think I'll go back in a bit and do it.

This week's is a good one, and I'm sorry I didn't stop to do it yesterday.

Sally writes,

" With this Sunday's gospel reading in mind, that wonderful revelation of Christ to the companions on the Emmaus road. I wonder where you might have been surprised by God's revelation recently."

How has God revealed him/herself to you in a:

1. Book Well, this might be a little backwards. I started reading A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose this week. You know, the Oprah Book Club selection right now that has everyone suddenly realizing all kinds of things. It's not a hard book to grasp, but I was getting incredibly frustrated by all that Eckart Tolle had to say. Some of this stuff is common sense. And so, while I was getting into a particularly verbose rant (bout how ambiguous and esoteric writing about things we already know can lead to confusion and, well "missing the point"), this deep voice rang in my ears "some people will only get the point that way." That deep voice is the one I associate with God.

2.Film I can't say that I've had God revealed to me lately in film. I mean, I watched Star Wars last night and now I'm watching I am Legend. I do find myself wondering how a person utterly removed from society (like Will Smith's character) would make it. While I know God would carry me through, I'd fear the quiet. We're not meant to be quite so solitary a creature.

3. Song The new Rascal Flatts release has been on my mind today. I heard it in the car on the way home last night. I'm sure the radio intention is a love song, but you can't miss that the heart of this group is their Savior.

You could have bowed out gracefully
But you didn't
You knew enough to know to leave well enough alone
But you wouldn't
I drive myself crazy trying to stay out of my own way
The messes that I made
But my secrets are so safe
The only one who gets me
Yeah, you get me
It's amazing to me

How every day
every day
every day
You save my life

I come around all broken down and crowded out
And you are a comfort
Sometimes the place I go is so deep and dark and desperate
I don't know
I don't know

How every day
every day
every day
You save my life

Sometimes I swear I don't know if I am coming or going
But you always say something without even knowing
That I am hanging onto your words with all my might
And it's alright
Yeah I am alright
For one more night

Every day Every day Every day
Every day Every day Every day
Every day Every day
You save me
You save me

Every day Every day Every day
Every day
You save my life

It just makes me think about the promise of each day. I may have failed yesterday, failed to be the best for Christ that I could've been, but I got up today, a new day and He saved me once again. See, I don't think salvation is a one time thing--it's renewed every minute of every hour of every day. You just have to keep holding on to His hand.

4. Another person I see God in others constantly. I work with high school age students and I'm regularly finding that they are more aware and often more faithful than we think. Watching them care for each other gives me hope.

5. Creation I went for a run this morning, the first I've gone in several months for various reasons. Even though it was a breezy 36 degrees (Fahrenheit, y'all), I was jazzed and raring. I love to run. Getting out there in the gray morning was amazing. Squirrels were up, birds were getting going. This one little rat terrier joined me for one leg of my path. He was just the happiest thing on the road. Jogging along beside me (not even breathing hard!), barking for joy. Joy for the morning, for being alive, for being able to run. It was awesome.

For more revelations, visit RevGalBlogPals Friday Five for this week.

Thirteen Things about The WonderDog



1. When I picked him up at 5 and a half weeks old, he weighed only 12.5 ounces. (He was 8 pounds now).

2. For Christmas that year (when he was 6 and half weeks old), my brother and I had pictures made for our parents' gift. I took some by myself with WonderDog.

3. His mom is a salt-and-pepper miniature schnauzer and his dad's a yorkie. Both are registered.

4. He has 9 older sisters (5 in one litter and 4 in his).

5. He's the cutest of all 10 puppies. Seriously. That's not just his mom talking.

6. He skips when he's in a good mood. It's way too cute.

7. The yellow chair in my bedroom? Yeah, it's his. Not mine. I'm not allowed to sit in it.

8. He gets so excited about getting a treat that he crows.

9. He has no use for dogs. By that, I mean, he doesn't like dogs. He doesn't count, because he's not one.

10. Somehow, he always knows when I want to take a picture of him. He'll stop whatever cute thing he's doing that I wanted to capture and pose for the camera. Everytime.

11. He loves limeades from Sonic.

12. He knows no strangers. He might not like you a lot, but he'll fake it for a few minutes.

13. He can identify each one of his toys by the name I gave them. And he'll grab the right one everytime you send him after one.


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Ms. Judy tagged me..like a long time ago. Ok, like a week ago. So, here goes...

The rules are:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules here
3. Share 7 random or weird facts about yourself
4. Tag 7 random people at the end of the post, linking to them.
5. Leave a comment on their blog so that they know they’ve been tagged.


Hm...randomness...ok...

--I used to be a professional flag twirler. Yes, that's right..professional. (Remember, to be considered a pro as opposed to an amateur all that really counts is that someone paid you to do it.)

--I am probably the only person Ms. Judy knows who can gracefully work in a comment about squirrels mating on a sidewalk into a campus tour. But only if the the tour group stumbles upon the squirrels in the act.

--I don't know how to swim. Ok, so, I know what you're supposed to do, but I can't make it happen.

--For all my technological know how with computers and VCRs (I am not a "blinking twelve"), I can't make the copy machine do what I want it to when I want it to.

--I think a new pair of really soft socks are Heaven on Earth. I also think freshly washed and starched sheets with tightly tucked hospital corners might be.

--I am a closet dork. Really.

--I am terrified of growing old and have no idea what you people who are going to do it "gracefully" are smoking. I've already considered the boob lift, I color my hair, and may well be the reason Oil of Olay is still in business.

I don't have too many "blog friends," (and Judy's one of them), so...I'll tag only 2.

EQ and XBox Wife.....you're up!

Okay, so, I'm working on a "real" post that I'll post sometime this weekend. Because I want to get myself all together first.

BUT, I know the last few days I've posted "pre-fab" posts. You know "insert your witty one- or two- liners here" posts. So, I thought I'd throw together a little something for you that isn't so formulated.

Ready? Here we go...

I've been reading a lot of Christian blogs this week. So, I'd suggest, if you're interested, take a look at RevGalBlogPals when you get time. Most everyone is either female clergy, or a woman in religious work in some way, or a friend/family member of one of those. I think. Anyway, I'm really enjoying it. Being from a reformed faith myself, it's nice to find religious women who are reminding us that they're still humans. Sometimes I feel like I'm expected to not just be "normal" because I'm Christian first. Does that make sense?

I actually found this weeks ago, but I think it's adorable.




Apparently, more of us need to pay attention to those bears on the Charmin commercials. They've obviously been trying to tell us we use too much. Did you know we needed to do research to believe them? Typical.

Arthur C. Clarke passed away this week. I admire him as a writer, as a discoverer, and as a supporter and proponent for science. Rendezvous with Rama and the Odyssey series (2001: A Space Odyssey, 2010:Odyssey Two, 2061:Odyssey Three, and 3001:The Final Odyssey) have always fascinated me. Really, I still have dreams with HAL playing a prominent role every so often. I love that the science is something that really could and may yet happen in my life time, and isn't completely far-fetched.

There...how's that for a nice hodge-podge?

I've been lurking for a long time at RevGalBlogPals blog (ugh, say it 10 times fast, ok?) Every week, there's a "Friday Five," a list of questions or sentence starters that to make you think. About yourself, and maybe a little deeper than that. This week, I finally decided to play along.

Remember, today is Good Friday, the Friday immediately before Easter.

1. Our prayer concerns are as varied as we are this day. For whom would you like us to pray?Well, I suppose I could just insert my laundry list of people here..but I think I need to be a little selfish and ask for prayers for me. For discernment and some healing.
2. Are there things you have done or will do today to help the young ones understand this important day in our lives? Unfortunately, no. My home church doesn't have a Good Friday service. I realize that I could've gone somewhere and joined in, but I felt like today I needed to stay home and focus on some other things. I do recognize that I could change this next year.
3. Music plays an important part in sharing the story of this day. Is there a hymn or piece of music that you have found particularly meaningful to your celebrations of Good Friday? Music is so hugely important in my life. Today, I found myself thinking of songs my grandparents loved, whether they are typical Good Friday hymns or not--"As I Survey the Wondrous Cross," "And Can it Be That I Should Gain?," "At the Cross," and (I always think of this one when I think of my grandparents) "His Eye is on the Sparrow." Not really a Good Friday hymn, but still on my mind today.
4. As you hear the passion narrative, is there a character that you particularly resonate with? Peter, pre-3rd cock crow. I'm a stubborn mule as well, but I think that Jesus used that as much as he used some more positive personality traits in Peter. I believe Peter's heart was always in the right place, whether his head joined him there immediately or not. I know that in a lot of ways, I'm a Peter.
   
5. Where have you seen the gracious God of love at work lately? Everywhere. I'm going through something of a metamorphosis right now. I feel Him moving in me. Outside of this though, I see him everywhere. With it being spring and things blooming and awakening, I see Him in each bud, and in the way my little dog delights in the newness of things. I see Him, too, holding the hearts of my family as we heal from the loss of my grandfather.

For more, visit this week's Friday Fives at RevGalBlogPals.

The first apartment I lived in seriously confused me. I'm convinced there were gremlins in it, but that wasn't what struck me within the first 10 minutes I'd had a key to the place.

There was a light switch in the living room and another in the kitchen that did nothing. Not a blessed thing. So, I did the Monica thing, only I used noise AND lights. Because I'm cool like that.( No, really, it was because I was in my first apartment and didn't have enough things of one kind or the other to put in every outlet. But, to be honest, I am cool like that.)

I lived in that apartment for 3 and a half years. Never, never, never did I figure out what those switches went to. I don't think they did anything..they were a plant. Someone had designs to drive me crazy. Seriously.

Second apartment I moved into, same complex different building, also had a tricky light switch. This one was right by the door, on the same wall as the cable outlet. Which would be, typically, where one might want to put the TV. Also, by the door might be where one would like to put a lamp. But, because of the amazing lay-out of the place, switching off that outlet meant your TV (and VCR, and DVD, and cable box) were all shut-off as well. Again, because of the layout, you couldn't put the TV anywhere else and not have it look stupid. (Because furniture placement is everything, dahlinks.)

Now, this apartment, which I've lived in for almost 3 years, this one has a switch that only works one of set of holes on an outlet. (you know, they have 2, right? The switch only works the top one.) The outlet and the switch are next to the entry..which is fortunate. Because I actually do use it for a lamp. It's also the wall my TV, etc. are on, but there's a separate outlet for those things. Very handy.

But, it still bothers me that I don't know about those other ones. Frustrates me.

For other things that we just don't get, visit this week's Sunday Scribblings.

The first apartment I lived in seriously confused me. I'm convinced there were gremlins in it, but that wasn't what struck me within the first 10 minutes I'd had a key to the place.

There was a light switch in the living room and another in the kitchen that did nothing. Not a blessed thing. So, I did the Monica thing, only I used noise AND lights. Because I'm cool like that.( No, really, it was because I was in my first apartment and didn't have enough things of one kind or the other to put in every outlet. But, to be honest, I am cool like that.)

I lived in that apartment for 3 and a half years. Never, never, never did I figure out what those switches went to. I don't think they did anything..they were a plant. Someone had designs to drive me crazy. Seriously.

Second apartment I moved into, same complex different building, also had a tricky light switch. This one was right by the door, on the same wall as the cable outlet. Which would be, typically, where one might want to put the TV. Also, by the door might be where one would like to put a lamp. But, because of the amazing lay-out of the place, switching off that outlet meant your TV (and VCR, and DVD, and cable box) were all shut-off as well. Again, because of the layout, you couldn't put the TV anywhere else and not have it look stupid. (Because furniture placement is everything, dahlinks.)

Now, this apartment, which I've lived in for almost 3 years, this one has a switch that only works one of set of holes on an outlet. (you know, they have 2, right? The switch only works the top one.) The outlet and the switch are next to the entry..which is fortunate. Because I actually do use it for a lamp. It's also the wall my TV, etc. are on, but there's a separate outlet for those things. Very handy.

But, it still bothers me that I don't know about those other ones. Frustrates me.

I've never participated in a Thursday 13, and honestly, I'm a little on edge about it. I don't like non-prompt prompts. I mean..just list 13 somethings about yourself? Ugh..and put a theme to it? PLEASE--Just give me a theme!

So..because we all know that writers steal at one time or another, I've stolen Mrs. Brownstone's @ XBox Wife's topic--things that drive me bananas.

Thirteen Things that Drive Me Crazy



1. My downstairs neighbors. Quit slamming the door, quit letting your dog poop all over the place and then don't pick it up for days.

2. Karma, and how it seems to just love screwing with me. I never really thought Karma was against me, until the downstairs neighbor joined the staff of the apartment complex. How exactly do I complain to the manager about herself?

3. Tail-gaters. My gosh people--get off my butt? I'm doing the limit +5 on the highway and, as you can clearly see, I CAN'T CHANGE LANES EITHER WITH THE 6 CARS IN THE NEXT LANE GOING THE SAME SPEED. It's just rude.

4. The pillows on my couch. Kids, I've place them on the couch a certain way for a reason. If you must move them or squash them, kindly put them back the way they were when you sat down. And by "kids," I mean everyone who sits on my couch.

5. One-uppers. I gotta agree with Mrs. Brownstone on this one. What I really can't stand is someone who tries to one-up while in the presence of another who has known them long enough to know that story is a lie.

6. People who are down on libraries. Look, I'm pretty down on what you do for a living as well, but you've never heard me say that to your face. Get it?

7. The inept. You know these people, they can't function outside of the box they've created. Well, not true...they CAN function outside of that box, but only when surgically attached to you. (There's this little voice in my head right now telling me I'm supposed to be kind to these people, they may well be the meek. (scroll down, the Beatitudes are in blue below all the 'explanation')).

8. Wal-Mart. Yes, I know it's some sort of marketing strategy to rearrange the entire store every 17 hours, but would you please leave things in the same general area?? I'm going in for a couple of things, a 10-minute trip. But then I can't find anything. Now it's a 30-minute trip. Thanks a lot. It would've been easier if you hadn't run the 2 locally owned grocery stores in town out of business when you opened your "Super" store.

9. Joel Osteen. And it unnerves me that to share this with you will create a "hit" for him in the Google search list. Ugh. I won't go into it all, but if you want to know why, just ask me. Be prepared, this borders on things greater than just annoyance.

10. Mass emails that come from everyone. AKA, known as "repeater emails." Please, check out the list of people that Bob sent this to, you'll notice that not only is your name on it, so is mine. Better yet, don't forward to me the same email I just sent you--just a guess, but I probably read it the first time.

11. Business hours. The office for my cable company is only open between 9:30 and 4:00. Only. I think they do this on purpose so as to avoid all the people who want to call and complain about the service. Hello..guys, you operate a service industry. The edge they have is that they are the only cable company in town--so, unless you go satellite, they've got your business.

12. Talking with your mouth full. Ironically, as much as I love shrimp, crabs, and fish, I don't enjoy "see food." Please, remember that we're the species that determined what "civilized" meant. Could we act like we are? I mean, we weren't raised in barns.

13. Rudeness. I really can't stand people who cannot say a simple "yes ma'am" or "no sir." Or heck, "please" and "thank you." I wish I could post a sign at work "if you can't find it in you to be polite, then we can't find it in us to help you much." But that might not be polite, huh?

And, yes, I'm guilty of some of these at times. Okay, so maybe all of them. Except for maybe the Joel Osteen and Wal-Mart ones. Though, because of the prices, I do shop in Wal-Mart when I have more time to spare than 10-minutes (God Bless the Kroger across the street. The place hasn't been rearranged since it was remodeled 15 or so years ago.) I'll admit it, though..I'm human. I'm not always polite, I'm not always civilized...but I try.


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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Hm..what 10 ten things do I have to be thankful for? Well...I'm feeling like this list might be hard coming. We'll see.

1. I had a great weekend hanging out with The Man and Darling Daughter and Son. I've missed days when it's just the 4 of us.

2. I'm on Spring Break, and today, Tuesday, is only the 2nd day (not counting the weekend).

3. Phone call from the insurance company today. They're going to pay for the repairs to my car.

4. The better news about the car is that they aren't my insurance company. And the rental car (again, that they're paying for) was delivered before I walked out of the body shop.

5. Pretty toes! Got a pedicure today. Something about pretty feet and hands makes me feel prettier.

6. WonderDog and I took a nice nap this afternoon, on the couch. We then migrated to the bed for a second nap.

7. I'm going to visit my aunt and uncle Thursday. I'm actually looking forward to it. (It's the first time I'll have been to that house since my grandfather died, and the first I'll have been there in 8 and half years without my dad.)

8. WonderDog and I shared a Deluxe Breakfast from McDonald's this morning. I don't treat him or myself to that stuff very often. I had the hashbrown and the pancakes (syrup is just too messy for WonderDog) and he had the eggs and biscuit. (The picture has an english muffin, must be from up North. Us Southerners know that breakfast should have biscuits.) We shared the sausage. Mmmmm...sausuage.

9. I'm rereading Madeleine L'Engle's Many Waters. It's the continuation of the series starring the Murry family (from A Wrinkle in Time, A Swiftly Tilting Planet, and A Wind in the Door.) This is probably my favorite series of all time. Okay, well that and the Little House books and the Chronicles of Narnia.

10. The new Lifehouse CD is really good. I'm glad that impulse buy worked out.

For other thankful lists, visit Ten Things Tuesday at XBox Wife.

I can't explain it, but...this disturbs me.

I guess I'd never been aware of the existence of the stuff. Until today. Today, I saw it on the shelf at the dollar store.

This is the stuff bad dreams are made of.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, because I've been thinking of moving. I've toyed with the idea of moving to Georgia, where my brother is. I've looked at other jobs, closer to here but still far enough away to feel like I'm starting fresh. Even applied for a couple. I've really felt like that, even with everything that here has to offer me, it doesn't really offer me anything.

Anyway, I have been wondering why I live here. I mean, here is a nice enough place, decent schools (which is nice since I work in one), my church is near, I know people. My family is here. Yes, I grew up here, so there's the sense of familiarity and feeling like I am a part of this place, to some extent.

You know, it started because I just didn't have the funds to move out on my own right after college. My hometown likes to see "its own" come back to live and work here, and makes no bones about liking to hire us. So, it seemed natural. I promised myself I'd give my hometown 5 years--this is year 8. I promised myself I'd give my library 5 years--this is year 5. Thing is, I already know I'll be back for year 6 (well, 9).

It is nice being here. It's comfortable, safe. I know who I am here, and people know me. But I do want more. I want to know I can make it away from here, find happiness that meets everything I need. But I won't leave the safe place. Even if I think happiness is "out there" somewhere.


For other random thoughts and writings, check out Sunday Scribblings.

Lately (well for a couple of months now), I've been in a state of experimentation. Every morning, I study the idea of getting out of bed. I don't go blindly into the experiment. I don't believe in running about willy nilly (as they'd say) and jumping off of cliffs without ropes on the chance that someone will catch me. No, I weigh it out, pros/cons, factor in the possible outcomes, and what I learned when I performed the experiment the day before (hence the Einstein quote above.)

See, I've been depressed. Now, that's not a diagnosis, just a knowledge that I have. And every day, simply opening my eyes is an experiment in living. I've not gotten so low as to not want to extend the experiment for a long while, but I have wondered about bothering with that day. Yesterday was like that. I got out of bed, had some coffee, walked The WonderDog, checked email and went back to bed. It was mid-afternoon before I bothered dressing and running to the store for food (yes, the grocery fairy had skipped me again. I guess I need to talk to her boss.). I had plans last night, but I begged off. I couldn't convince myself to risk leaving the house again. I really hate that.

What gets me up is knowing I have to go to work. I enjoy my work, so I often forget I'm experimenting. But then I come home, put on my pjs and go to bed. At 5 pm. The poor WonderDog hates it. I don't play, I don't love on him. He's his own island. Not good for a puppy dog. But he's been good, he tries so hard to take care of me, resigning himself to sleep all day on a pretty Saturday, rather than play in the yard.

Now, I know that some of what I've said (i.e. opening my eyes is an experiment in living) is really a commentary of the human condition and life anyway. But I also know that I've never felt like that before. I've felt listless before, but never felt like faking it was so exhausting (and, some days, so pointless). There's a part of me that wonders if I shouldn't go find some tools until I get back on my feet, and off of my face, but I can't even start entertaining that notion right now. It means leaving the house for something other than a dire necessity or work.

And you know what really hurts? The people who I think know me best have no idea. I'm not sure if that's a sign of amazing coping/acting skills or if that means they don't really know me.

For more thoughts on experimenting and experimentation, visit Sunday Scribblings this week.

Oh good..I typed that big word up there and then freaked out because I didn't know if it was a word or not. According to Dictionary.com, it is. And it, rather obviously, means just what you think it does.

On my iGoogle page, one of my widgets (or is it gadgets?) is an Einstein quote-a-day. I like him. I don't understand everything he had to say, but I do like the things that I do understand.

Like this...

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

You know. I get this one. The thing is, reality is relative. My reality (rather, my perception of reality) doesn't match yours. That's just a human nature.

The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.

Amen to that. And it doesn't help that it seems to change every year.

There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.

And I think everything should be viewed as a miracle. I have my cynical moments (days, ok weeks), but I really do wake up every day and feel blessed that I have woken up. I'll admit I don't wake up feeling that the alarm is a miracle (even of modern technology), but I do thank God for the miracle of waking and being able to get out of bed on my own power.

Anyway..just rambly tonight.

Free associations again. The idea is you're given a word and you reply with one word. Don't forget...I can't follow directions well. *grin*

1. Chemical :: allergies (from which I'm suffering a little right now)


2. Poker :: ooo, a tie...face and "red-hot"


3. Federal :: Income tax (waiting on my refund)


4. Mattress :: not so heavenly (the hotel I stayed in had a "heavenly bed" that sucked.)


5. Who am I? :: I don't know..who are you?


6. Investigation :: Roger Clemens


7. In good hands :: D


8. 8:30 :: bedtime


9. Creditors :: damn them


10. Resource :: learning

For other free associations (which happen to be free!), check out Unconscious Mutterings.

This week, Sunday Scribblings has their 100th prompt. Happy (sorta) Blogaversary to you guys!

The idea this time is to write about the things that are like a mini-time machine for you. Music is mine. Sometimes smells and tastes, but always music. And then the music brings up the smells, tastes, touches, and the feelings in my heart.



The first time I heard this Kenny Chesney song, I knew exactly what he meant.

I never really thought about, that music is so integral to who I am. I'm not a musician, not really. I can appreciate it at the nut and bolt level. I can tell you when someone's off-key. I even direct an instrumental choir at church. But I just realized that I regularly made sound tracks for my life.

Okay, we all do that right? Make mix tapes? Or, I guess, CDs or playlists now. I've done it for years. I caught myself the other day making the list of that defined love and life with The Man. (I was only doing that because I couldn't focus on the death of my grandfather so I picked something else that made me feel warm. The Man and I aren't together anymore so our sound track is decidedly different now than it was a few months ago, but the warmth is still welcome.)

Songs can reduce me to tears, leave me uplifted. Cure every hurt, and amplify the pain.

I've been thinking a lot about my grandmother this weekend. Next week will be 4 years since she passed. Grandpa just passed this last Friday. These two songs were her two of her favorites (sung by her one of her favorite "new guys" in country music, Alan Jackson.) We sang "I'll Fly Away" at her funeral.



For other time machines, visit this week's Sunday Scribblings.

Today feels like a fog.

I was called early this morning and told that my grandfather, Daddy's dad, died during the night.
I already know.

I woke around 12:15 this morning to a totally silent room, but felt like someone other than the WonderDog was there. When I was little, Grandpa would run his hand over my hair..starting at my widow's peak and all the way down (my then) long hair, about midback. I felt him do that this morning. Felt the familiar weight of his hand. Then I heard him say, what he'd always said when I'd leave his company back when he still recognized me, "I'm proud of you."

So, today, silence is bad. I've got media player running through the library I've ripped onto the computer. The lyrics are speaking to me, but not in the way the artists must've intended..

And time has been spread so thin and its just hours till the day begins. And the things that are keeping you here are not keeping me here and the things that are keeping you here will keep me away. (Dashboard Confessional, "Drowning")

Cause when I take a look around everybody seems so strong. I know they'll soon discover that I don't belong. (Casting Crowns, "Stained Glass Masquerade")

So, I stayed late at work to do some stuff. That turned into some random babysitting. No big deal, I get paid for it.

And, I'm playing on the computer. Google Blog Search. Looked for "caffeine" because I was dreaming about coffee at the time. Oddly enough, I apparently didn't read the news much today at work. Starbucks closed?? For hours? To train they're employees? Well.

Okay, so if you're like me and missed this until it was too late anyway, the story is that Starbucks stores--every Starbucks mind you--were closed for 3 hours this evening to spend time training their baristas. This is something I figured happened prior to them preparing my venti mocha lattes, but apparently that's not the case. At least, it appears to not be the case.

However, bravo to them. They've obviously noticed that they're falling behind somewhere along the way. I mean, people actually want to get coffee pushed by a donut shop (and these people aren't cops!) or from the local "Golden Arches."

Ooooo...have I mentioned I love going to McDonald's in the morning for coffee? I mean, now that they serve respectable coffee, it's nice to go anyway. BUT, the other morning, I discovered that when you order your large coffee and ask for 2 creams and 2 sugars, they'll put it in the cup and stir for you. Yum...drinking my coffee before leaving the parking lot? Wonderful...

Back to them other guys...

I kinda have a problem with Starbucks. I feel like there's some global take over thing in the works with them. Kind of like Wal-Mart. However, my bigger problem with them is that the closest one is 25 minutes away. I mean, it's good coffee, but I don't know that it's 25-mile coffee.

I've sat down to write here I can't tell you how many times in the last 3 weeks. I want to write. I want the catharsis..I want so badly to put words on paper. It's even worse knowing the words are there. They're in my head, in my heart.

They won't come out of my hands.

To be reasonable, I know I've been a little more A.D.D. lately. I open a post window, or a document, or a journal, and then the WonderDog squeaks at me. Or a bird flits past the window. Or my stomach grumbles. Most recently, the package of pre-fab chicken pot stickers in my fridge actually spoke my name. I heard them loud and clear. They said "Eat me..you know you want to. Eat me RIGHT NOW."

It turns out they were right. I just took them out of the pan.

However...I still don't find myself writing the things I want to write about. I'm writing about pot stickers, for cripes sake. I've figured it out, I think. I'm scared. And that's categorically ridiculous, for me.

I enjoy writing. I'm confident in my abilities. I firmly believe in an adage that R gave me years ago--when you have something to say, you don't have to get it right the first time, but you do have to start somewhere. I know I don't have to get it right here the first time, or the tenth time--that's what that beautiful "edit posts" link is about...I can edit it even after I've published it a dozen times.

I think I'm scared of what I'll discover. And that's wrong to me, too. I've been very good the last several years about being real with myself. Very good. (Again, thank you R.) However, I think I'm scared right now that I'll feel something. And I don't really want to this month. I've got too much going on. Is that strange?

Found a new thinking prompt. Apparently, I'm a little late in the game (this is week 262), but it's fun anyhow. It's all about free associations. Try it out *wink*

1. Score :: concert tickets (I just scored some free ones, teehee)


2. Luxurious :: socks


3. Party :: cocktail


4. Limited edition :: need more


5. Security :: measures


6. Betty :: Davis eyes


7. Under construction :: ugh..me


8. Pest :: my cereal (there were ants in my cereal box this morning)


9. director :: Oscar-status


10. Express :: cost (as in high cost of shipping)

For more thinking, try Unconscious Mutterings,

I recently read an article in the Houston Chronicle that talked about a project over at Smith magazine. Check out the "Six Word Memoirs" projects.

So..what's your life story? In six words..

I came. I saw. I loved.

I don't know, who am I?

Share it over at Smith..but share it here, too.

1. Father went to college yes
2. Father finished college well, sorta..associate's
3. Mother went to college yes
4. Mother finished college yes
5. Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor yes..the Brother
6. Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers. yes, middle class
7. Had more than 50 books in your childhood home. yep..and check out cards
8. Had more than 500 books in your childhood home. no room
9. Were read children's books by a parent yep.
10. Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 yep--piano, flute, dance
11. The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed on the the news just before the hysterical mother
12. Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18 try 23
13. Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs first degree, yes. second no
14. Went to a private high school nope
15. Went to summer camp yep
16. Had a private tutor before you turned 18 nope
17. Family vacations involved staying at hotels yep
18. Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18 nope, some were hand me downs from the neighbor
19. Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them yep
20. There was original art in your house when you were a child only what my brother and I did
21. You and your family lived in a single-family house yep
22. Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home nope, just paid it off
23. You had your own room as a child yep
24. Participated in a SAT/ACT prep course no
25. Had your own TV in your room in high school yep, a black and white
26. Owned a mutual fund or IRA in high school or college thanks to my grandfather
27. Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16 Orlando when I was 2
28. Went on a cruise with your family still waiting for this one, promises, promises
29. Went on more than one cruise with your family see above
30. Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up yep..education is important
31. You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family probably..don't really remember

Had an interesting train of thought the other day....an old friend, K, started it.

I was telling him a little about some medical troubles I've been having. Nothing major. Just stuff to get over. He commented that I'm too bad to die young. Ok..it was worth a short giggle.

But I got to thinking about it...It's not that I'm bad. Well, not really. I guess it's more that I feel like maybe I haven't been very good at living. You'd think after 31 (eek) years I'd have a better handle on it.

I just don't know..I feel like I've not focused on things that are really important. I haven't honestly been thankful for every bit of the life I've been given. Most importantly, I'm not grateful.

More on this. Soon..not months from now. Promise.

Actually, no, it isn't different shit. I've been here before.

Starting over.

Frickin' sucks. But, I guess we all do stuff we don't want to, right?

Diverging from my usual course, I wound up sick after a holiday break. Usually, I manage to hold off illness until we have several days off from work. So, I'm almost always sick at Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring Break, and just as we kick off the summer. Almost always.

Instead, I went to work Monday and came home early. I pretty much felt like death warmed over. Today is day two of sinus infection watch. Yeah for me.

Do you know (and I'm sure you do) there's NOTHING on TV during the day. I've watched CBS's Early Show. The highlight of that show was the street performances from the musical "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Very cute. Wish it would come to Texas sometime soon. Now, I'm flipping between Food Network and the SciFi channel (Tales from the Darkside marathon).

Food Network is always almost always good stuff. Today, Sugarrush has a show about flower-inspired sweets. This one woman has some absolutely amazing sugar flowers--from beautiful tea roses to hydrangeas. Just incredible.

I clicked into SciFi Network towards the end of an episode. It was called "Love Hungry." This overweight woman is trying to lose weight, and winds up having her fruits and vegetables talk to her. They beg her not to eat them, even though she needs to eat. She breaks down, in a fit and grabs the banana, while the other fruits are calling her a murderer. She doesn't eat him, and winds up killing herself. Weird.

Anyway. I hope the food doesn't start talking to me.