The Clock is Ticking

So, I've been seeing this guy lately. He's a good guy, though we have some rather significant differences--both in the way we think and our backgrounds. Today he tells me that he was really bothered when I dropped the bomb the other night that I "can't make him happy." I don't recall the context of the conversation, but regardless of what lead up to it, the statement is true.

No one can make anyone else be happy. You can be happy around or with someone, you can even feel happier in their presence. But no one can make someone else happy. What a horribly heavy weight to put on someone--I'm responsible for making you happy?? Talk about pressure! If it's up to me to make sure someone else is happy, it's a losing battle. I'm going to go out of my mind trying to say/do things that are certain to make him or her happy, and feel like shit when they don't work.

A statement like that is akin to telling someone "you complete me." It was cute in "Jerry Maguire," but it doesn't hold water in real life. That just suggests that God put you on this planet incomplete, and frankly I'm not buying it. God doesn't put half people down here.

What this guy isn't understanding is that I don't want someone who thinks even for a second that his happiness is contigent on my being there or that he is now somehow made whole because I'm in his life. People like that are bordering on codependent, at least in my book. I don't want to be that person that everything rides on for anyone else--it's hard enough to keep myself together sometimes! I don't have the fortitude to keep up with someone else's happiness.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting that I don't want a husband one day, I do. I just don't want anyone thinking that me getting married is somehow making me more than I am. I was put on this earth with a complete heart and soul and I can only grow from there. I'd prefer to do it with someone next to me, but it shouldn't be a requirement. I shouldn't feel as though even the simplest thing I do is responsible for someone else's happiness. Sure, my actions and what all affect another's life, but they shouldn't define it.

I know this is just me being a bit silly, but, hey--it's my blog, you know?

The elusive "anonymous" fool that's been posting on Ribalding's blog concerns me. It's not his politics or narrow-minded asinine ideas that concern me most (the way I see it, the world needs the occasional ignoramous and he is filling the role perfectly). No, it's the fact that he has no mastery of the English language. Okay, the American language.

He doesn't capitalize things that should be (Bible or Social Darwinism), he misuses words ("result" instead of "resort"), mispells words he's trying to use in his arguments (it's "Gomorrah," not "Gemora"), and doesn't know how to use punctuation. I can't take seriously someone who hasn't bothered to learn how to use the language.

Aside from the punctuation and spelling issues, one can certainly tell that, just like our esteemed President, the writer should not be allowed to speak (type) off the cuff. Everything should be approved by the speech writer.

My best friend, R, hosts a blog as well. If you've been following, he's the reason I started mine--blog-envy I think it was.

R and I have often quarreled about our opinions and beliefs. Frankly, a lot of the time, I'm in total agreement with him, I just refuse to give it tacitly when I think he's being a bit arrogant and assuming he's right just because he opposes the implied majority. He thinks I'm playing him, I'm merely trying to teach him. I'm an educator by design and by training, sue me.

Regardless, he's taught me a lot, and I do love him. And, I simply have to be sure that you see a recent post of his, if only because it touched me.

Note from Constatine

It got to me. And not because I'm a Republican who needs to be reminded how to behave. Frankly, I don't identify with any political party, but I do tend to vote to the left of center. I vote issues, not party.

I also happen to be a Christian, have been for far more than half my 28 tender years. Like R says, it's my faith, my relationship with the One I believe holds a place in Heaven for me. You don't want to hear about it (hell, maybe you do, just ask, I'll share).

I happen to agree with R that too many people hanging out on the right side of center (as in direction, dear ones, not correctness) have a problem remembering what they've been taught in their respected catechisms. Jesus, and for that matter, God, never positioned themselves on the political spectrum. I mean, look at Jesus--he cavorted with people who were obviously more liberal than others (Mary Magdalene, John the Baptist), believed in public welfare programs (the Feeding of the 5,000), apparently believed in tax reform (kicking the tax collectors out of the temple), but also believed in family values and studying God's word (spent time in Temple and honored his own mother throughout his life). I'll grant I may be stretching for some of those, but then, it's all in interpretation, right?

A couple of presidential elections ago, my grandfather cornered me about my political persuasions. Now, this is the man that used to listen to Rush Limbaugh and just wait for the man to announce his intentions to run for president. He also used every visit I made to his house for 4 years to educate me about the so-called "Clinton Conspiracy." He never did understand that I'm really rather apolitical and nothing turns me off to conversation faster than having politics come up.

Well, he managed to get it out of me who I'd voted for. I went Democrat that time, for lots of reasons. He was appalled, absolutely dumbfounded. When he regained his ability to speak, he asked me how I could possibly vote that way, knowing I was going against "the family." (I nearly laughed at that later. "The Family?" What are we, the Mob?) I tried to explain my reasons. He didn't listen. He asked again how I could betray the family. I told him that I hadn't realized that family membership carried a voting requirement. His next argument dealt with how I could call myself a Christian and vote Democrat. Once I regained my composure, I told him I wasn't aware my religious affiliation was in any way limited by my political leanings. You know what made it even worse? I learned that he hadn't even voted that year--didn't get out and get to the polls. Ha.

I think what this country needs is a return to an intelligent faith--not a return to the faith that's being preached by the extremists in the so-called "Religious Right." We aren't on this planet to run around being judgemental fools. As Christians, we're called to strive to be like Jesus--or at least that's what the catechism of my church has been teaching us for years. Being like Jesus doesn't involve being exclusionary or being hateful. Quite the contrary.

For the record, I know good and well that not all Republicans behave this way, and that many Democrats are just as guilty of the behavior. Seems like the Republicans have better PR people though--we sure do hear about them more.

One of my complaints as a librarian is that my students don't just read. Well, correction, they read in spurts--websites, email, blogs. Nothing that's long, unless it's assigned in class. I listened to students bitch about reading Anthem (Ayn Rand) because it was just too long.

Then I read this...

Booksellers Seeing Changes in Customers

In this world of instant gratification and digital images, people are forgetting what a pleasure simplicity can be. I read constantly, but not because I like to read books. (Hold on, I promise that will make sense.) I love reading because it doesn't produce sensory overload. I read the book and am not bombarded with images and sounds. What I see in my mind's eye is all my own creation--and I do create images and sounds for myself as I read. They're far more simplistic than what's on the television, often black and white, which I've never understood since I dream in technicolor. I get completely lost in the books that I read, every book. My best times are curled up with a good book (and a cup of tea or cocoa, maybe a man.)

Instant gratification is great for fast food and things of that ilk. Anything that's really worth having takes some time--time to find, create, discover. I love to go to bookstores (or libraries) and spend hours pawing the shelves in search of the perfect books. It makes my heart sing. And it's a simple act.

Maybe the problem is that they are too busy razing the roses to stop and smell them.

It's been a while, but I once did a response post to the news. Sounds like fun today, especially since I frequent Yahoo's Odd News page. So, here we go.

Restaurant serves food in toilet bowl
In a word, yuck. Talk about your toilet humor. The only thing left, in fact, is to have teenagers giggling like idiots while there. Oh, wait, they are. Then there are the diners who stir their food up so it looks like they haven't flushed. Oh, please. I'm all for gimmicky restaurants, but this is going a bit far.

Gene change alters sex orientation in fruit flies
Fabulous, now we have scientifically-engineered homosexual fruit flies. One more thing for the right-wingers to use as fodder for their anti-gay information packets. And did they have to give details about the mating habits of flies? Really?

Fire station catches fire
Good news, it wasn't a group of amateurs, these were professionals.

Dutch Bible-belt town bans blasphemy
This from the country that legalized marijuana. What ever are we coming to?

Children's Tylenol Recalled Over Labels
Yes, it’s sad that some children may well have been made sick by a Tylenol overdose. However, it’s really saddening that parents aren’t reading the label. Exactly why would you medicate your child, any child, with even an over the counter drug without reading the label?

Found: Lost Suits for Space Spies
Imagine what else might be found if security guards were all so thorough and checked locked closets. Truly, though, this one is kinda cool. I’ve read lots of books on the early manned-space flight years in the U.S., but I don’t remember anything about a manned-reconnaissance orbitor. Pretty interesting. Just found this week’s research topic.

Scientists Study How to Tell T. Rex’s Sex
Here are your tax dollars at work—this study was partially funded by the National Science Foundation. I realize this may provide information of earth-shattering importance, but isn’t there some more immediate need that we could pour money into?

Exhibit Unwraps Science Behind Candy
At the risk of sounding a bit pedestrian—SWEET! Man I wish I lived in Pittsburgh.

Man sues for $10 million over exploding toilet
Now, who the hell smokes on the toilet? I’m not an idiot, I know people must do this, but why?
Happy Saturday to you all.

I never desire to converse with a man who has written more than he has read. –Samuel Johnson.

Frankly, this applies to a lot of things in my life, not just my writer-self.

I profess to be a writer, largely because I do, in fact, write (go figure). Now, I’ve been on hiatus the last few years (read “writer’s block”), but that doesn’t mean I’m not still writing—just that I’m not productive. See, I must be a writer, look at my impressive use of semantics.

To be very honest, I’ve been writing the last few years.

· term papers
· proposals
· a grant
· modules for 3-hour technology workshops for school
· campus technology plans
· beautiful recommendation letters for my students
· heartfelt e-mails and even letters to people important to me
· speeches for award banquets
· job descriptions
· curriculum for my classes
· and other reasonably mundane things

While those things have been satisfying in their own ways, they haven’t satisfied that part of me that needs to write. That part of me that produced poetry (some great, some garbage, some not fit for the garbage can and burned to put it out of my misery.). That part of me that would love to write children’s books and young adult novels. There’s even a part of me that would love to write Christian devotionals for teens.

But, I haven’t written anything I deem meaningful for three or four years. So, instead, I’ve been reading. And reading. And reading. Basically, I devoured everything in sight, from wonderful Southern fiction to software manuals. Favorite classics to modern day trash. Histories of Henry VIII to guidebooks for Texas historical markers. You name the subject and I’ve either read up on it or have a book in my “to do” stack (which grows larger by the day).

I had a date with another writer a few weeks ago. Nice guy, not terribly well-read. I asked him what he’d been reading recently. His response? “Well, I’ve been revising the short stories I’ve been working on.” No, I asked what you’d be reading recently, not what you were doing with your writing. He couldn’t tell me anything more than the local newspaper. He asked what I’d been reading lately, and I recited the laundry list—

· The Other Boleyn –about Mary Boleyn, Anne’s sister
· A book on the restyling your library in the “bookstore model”
· Finding God in the Movies
· A string of blogs
· To Kill a Mockingbird (my annual re-reading of my favorite)

His eyes grew wide—not just at the sheer volume of what I read (and all of these are going on simultaneously), but at the different kinds of things I read all the time.

You don’t have to necessarily read as much or as often as I do (I read almost everywhere and all the time), but you should read, by God. I believe that you can’t grow as a writer if you aren’t experiencing the best and the worst that the writing world has to offer. The blogs are some of both, the novels—the same. To Kill a Mockingbird—need I say more?

But, maybe I’m weird. You tell me.