The Clock is Ticking

I went to see "Nights in Rodanthe" yesterday. I'd completely forgotten that it was based on Nicholas Sparks's book of the same name. Had I remembered, I would also have gone to Wal-Mart to pick up a box of tissues prior to the movie. Yes, ladies, it will make you cry. Big boo-hoo tears, too.

Duh, it's a Sparks movie. *wink*

Anyway, at one point, Adrienne (Diane Lane) and Paul (Richard Gere) are looking this driftwood box that she'd made years before. The local lore says that you build this box and put things that are most important to you in your life. They get around to the idea that these things are the things that save you. And he asks her, "What saves you?"

(Now that I think about it, I may have misunderstood what he said, but the point is still the same.)

What saves you?

The obvious answer here, for someone like me, is Christ. Right? And no, I don't mean to belittle the idea that my faith in Christ is what drives me and fills me. Because it absolutely does.

But, that's not all. I think where I'm going with this is that what saves me, what really really does it for me in ways that I can name, is where I see Christ in my world everyday. Only, I don't think I've ever said it that way before.

What saves me? In no particular order, other than this is how I can best put words to it.

Music. Music is such a huge part of my world. I don't know how to function in silence. Power outtages? Thank God for my iPod. You know the old question, if you had to lose one of your five senses, which one would you choose? Sight. No question. I can get by not seeing the people and places that I love. I could live without seeing the beauty around me. But I couldn't bear the thought of not hearing music, or the birds, or the voices of my loved ones. Not a one. I guess, really, what I mean is sound, more than music. But, when all else is silent, I plug into my music and escape.

My family. For all the times I've wanted to scream at them (and I know that makes me no different than anyone else.), I know that in the end, I'd be lost without them. Moms and daughters are supposed to clash a bit, I really do believe that. (And I fear families in which that doesn't happen.) Brothers and sisters aren't supposed to be perfect angels together when growing up (again with the fear). And Daddies are supposed to risk it all for their little girls when they're being stupid. And you know what, that's how my family is. I don't know how we got here, because I'm certain the dynamic that the 4 of us have is nothing like how my parents grew up in their childhood homes. And sometimes, I wish we could go back to our little foursome in the house across town.

The WonderDog. I know this is probably silly-sounding to an outsider. But, I got WD during a time in my life that was dark. I was very low, I was alone in that way that only the isolated feel. I'd wanted to get a dog when I first moved out of my parents' house, but decided to wait until I finished my grad school, so that I would be home to be with a dog. I finished my graduate work in August. In October, someone at work said his dog was going to have an unplanned litter puppies at the end of the month, half yorkie/half schnauzer. (Imagine, WD's parents were papered pure breds. Oh the horror! Oh the shame!) I told him to keep me in mind, I might want one of the pups. Turns out WD was the runt, and the only boy in the litter. He's also the cutest one in the whole bunch. He healed my wounded heart and mind. Four years later, he's my favorite little buddy.

So...what saves you?

There's a part of me that wants answers to questions that I fear have no easy answers.

I sat one day and listened to a teenager girl advise another teenage girl on how to "do right by her baby." Essentially, it amounted to signing up for every government aid program available--WIC, food stamps, etc. Why not just, I don't know, get a job? Graduate high school, get a better paying job? Be productive and not look for a hand-out?

Did I mention that both girls were wearing clothes more expensive than me? Me with my masters degree, full time job, and zero dependents I can claim on my tax return.


I chatted today with a former student. Actually, chatted isn't the right word. My heart broke over her. She should be graduating in May. She won't be.She doesn't have the credits for it--she doesn't have the credits to be in 10th grade. There's a baby story in there, as well as a family that sees little importance in education. I want her to graduate. I'll do whatever I can. She doesn't know how to use a computer, so even fast food jobs are limited for her. I think she wants better for herself and her baby. But how do you get it when no one who is supposed to love you tells you that you can have it? When no one at home thinks it's important?

I wasn't raised in a house like that. I don't know what it's like to grow up in home that doesn't want you to be successful, productive. That doesn't want you to feel good about who you are and your hopes and dreams. And now, because she doesn't know any better, will her child ever feel the way I did growing up--that the world is full of limitless opportunity, if you just look.

How do you take care of those kids when you can't get them into a school building? And not because they are resistant, but because you can't get through to Mom and Dad. I feel like I've failed her somehow.