The Clock is Ticking

I went because I don't sleep.

I left with a psych consult and a scrip. (two medical-ese terms I'd never have used before watching E.R.)

I don't know how I got to this place. I'm supposed to be better than this, somehow. I've always handled "the blues" by myself and successfully. I guess. Maybe that's not being fair to myself. A lot led to this point.


One of my friends told us yesterday that his supervisor signed an email to him with "have good day on purpose."

What a great closing, great piece of advice.

The other day, in a bookstore, I found a book called Happiness is a Choice. Sure it is.

No, I'm not being sarcastic--happiness is a choice. It's just not a choice all of us can make and follow through with. Sometimes we aren't equipped to follow through. Sometimes, things deeper-seated than our thoughts are in the way.

I, on purpose, expect to have good, good days. Unfortunately, something in my head limits that sometimes. That's part of the reason why, though I'm surprised at how my visit turned out, I'm not..really.

P sent me this today. I think I'm supposed to dance to it. Really would prefer a glass of wine and a snuggle.

"The inner fire is the most important thing mankind possesses." ~Edith Sodergran

Isn't this true? Maybe not the most important thing, but without some sort of inner fire, what drives us?

That's what I've been trying to figure out lately. Just what drives me.

I know..I know..I've been absent yet again.

I've been learning to breathe.

I've been daring to move.

I've been figuring out home.

Obviously, I've been listening to a lot of Switchfoot, too. Actually, a lot of their stuff (and Creed's, and Keith Urban's, and--of all things--Barenaked Ladies, is what hits my playlist when I'm learning to breathe.)

In all seriousness. I've been floundering. Emotionally, psychologically, physically...you name a "-ally" and that's what I've been struggling with. But since I've got a new focus, I plan to be more intentional with writing here and just life in general.

I've spent enough time learning how to breathe. Now it's time to dare myself to breathe. And that's what I'm doing. Starting today.

While I gear up to do that (and yes, there's a post in the works for it, as well as a makeover for the ol' Clock), here's a BNL song that I love...because it makes me giggle.