If you don't risk being garish, you risk being bland.

gar·ish (gârsh, gr-)adj.
1. a.Marked by strident color or excessive ornamentation; gaudy.
b.Loud and flashy: garish makeup. See Synonyms at
2. Glaring; dazzling: “Hide me from Day's garish eye” (John Milton).

bland (blnd)adj. bland·er, bland·est
1.Characterized by a moderate, unperturbed, or tranquil quality, especially:
a. Pleasant in manner; smooth: a bland smile.
b. Not irritating or stimulating; soothing: a bland diet.
c. Exhibiting no personal worry, embarrassment, or concern: told a series of bland lies.
2. a. Dull and insipid: a bland little drama.
b. Having little or no distinctive flavor: bland cooking.

In a direct email yesterday, the 12-year old mentioned in the previous post responded with the above quote, after telling me that I was a fool. Oops, didn't know he even knew I had a blog. While I must applaud him for sounding so poetic, I find myself pondering his message. If you can tell me who it's accredited to, I'll love you forever.

Now, not knowing the context, I seriously doubt that the orginal speaker was referring to relationships. There's nothing in the world wrong with being a bit bland in a relationship. Obviously, I don't mean I want a relationship that is dull all the time, there's time for that when I'm 90. But neither do I want a relationship that is loud and flashy and "in your face" to everyone around me. Frankly, I want one that is nicely balanced if not a little bit on the bland side...to outsiders at least. (wink)

I know, to an extent, humans have a tendency to be a bit "garish" at the start of relationships, especially ones we think are important. We're trying--to impress, to woo, to catch. And yes, I want to be wooed, badly. I also want to get to that point where the wooing is not quite so obvious, a tacit wooing.

Dork-boy (that would be my technical descriptor) missed the point. Sure, early on, woo me garishly---but stop before you turn me off or offend me. There's a fine line there, but geez, other men have found it, you can, too. You should hope that you impress your partner. However, I've learned that the truly impressive people are not the ones telling me how wonderful they are. If you are, I'll figure it out myself, you don't have to tell me. Feeling the need to tell me is a sign of immaturity---100% garishness in a person is a no-go.

Thank you to Dictionary.com for the definitions.
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2 Response to "If you don't risk being garish, you risk being bland."

  1. Rudicus says:
    Jul 7, 2005, 8:42:00 AM

    At first blush I would have said Oscar Wilde, but I doubt he would settle for being garish.

    This quote is from fiction writer Monica Wood from her book Pocket Muse - which is a book about writing, so I also doubt she was talking about relationships.

    You don't have to love me forever, just say nice things about me after I'm gone.

    As for Dork Boy, I agree, he is missing the point. Also I think one of the biggest challenges facing new relationships is being being over the top at the beginning and then settling into themselves once they feel comfortable. That way people fall in love with a person that is not you, and once the real you comes out, that changes the equation. So best bet is to be yourself from the get go.

    But nothing can absolve you of being a priggish boor, prating coxcomb or obnoxious prick in any case.

  2. Glod says:
    Jul 8, 2005, 12:10:00 PM

    Is that subtle enough?
    My blog address has change btw, but you never look at it anymore, do you?

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