1. ONLY 3 days left with students before the school year ends. YAY!!!! I love my job, but OMG I need a break!
2. I get to stay late and earn some overtime (which never happens in education). I have to remind myself that this opportunity is a blessing...because I forgot I was scheduled to and really wanted to go home.
3. I've a new, geeky place to head when I need something to read. The Britannica Blog Yes, I found this because I like to read Encyclopedia Britannica Online. Hey.. I get free access from the state, why wouldn't I at least look?
4. I laid out Saturday, by the pool. (That's not the blessing.) I not only wore sunblock--SPF 30--I also made sure to reapply every 45 minutes or so. (Still not it.) I wound up horribly sunburned on my chest, which is apparently the fairest part of my body to ever be exposed to the sun. Yesterday, I awoke to itching on my chest so bad that I could not think straight and was crying--not just from the itching/pain but also from the frustration of not being able to do anything other than suffer. (Obviously, still not the blessing, wait for it.) Here's the blessing---Gold Bond Medicated Anti-Itch Cream took it all away. I didn't hurt, I didn't itch, and I stopped crying.
5. I'm feeling super-introspective these days. I think I get what my problem's been lately. I've really just been 'making it' in terms of my own understanding of my relationship with God. I'm starting to determine what that's really supposed to be for me not for the masses.
6. Some of my former students, and current ones, are coming by to tell me thank you. I didn' even know they were listening.
7. It's still beautiful out. And going to stay that way for a few days. I love it. The sun light (even if it burns me) just does me in.
8. This site is cool. Earthlab.com It really helps you figure out where you can not only "live green" but where you can cut back on some of your own costs. And the recipes from Mario Batali are amazing!
9. Did I mention there's only 3 days left with kids in the school year? Hallelujah!
10. I'm just happy lately. Don't know why, just am.
This started as a hand-written journal entry today. And morphed into an email I sent an acquaintance. It was his email that sent me into a tailspin. I'm going to try to piece it together for you, here.
I was asked what I really want. Well..I have to tell you that question is what sent me into a spin. I thought I knew, though I haven't voiced dreams or desires in some time. I can't think 2 years down the road right now, much less 10. And maybe that's because right now I feel secure in my job (which means I feel secure in the things that go along with being employed, like financial security). I mean, they've let me be in on a big project--it would be a cruel joke to not let me continue that. And my district is full of politics, but they aren't flat out mean.
I've been struggling of late with my faith. I'm not concerned that it's ailing--I'm quite a joyous Presbyterian, thank you. I even feel like, for the most part, I'm living an active and what I call a "naked eye" faith. Meaning that Christ in my life is visible to the naked eye. I know, quite certainly, in Whom my salvation lies. Moreover, I am a rejoicing Christian
I'm just feeling disconnected. Out of touch with my own personal faith. A 'medicine head' kind of feeling. I feel a little lost and like I'm doing things by rote, not by desire.
Church on Sunday, grace at the table, prayers at bedtime. Yeehaw.
I read something this afternoon that feels like it applies to me. The guy was describing a 20 year old leaving for his first away from home college experience. The kid is in a questioning place, and the big question is whether to keep hold of the faith that he was taught by someone else or to create his own relationship with Christ that may not look like his parents. In other words, drop the one-size-fits-all model for one that is tailor-made.
I feel like, after 25 years of the one-size-fits-all, I've outgrown it. So, I'm praying for the ability to define my relationship with my Savior, not the Savior.
By the way, the book I was reading today is Surprise Me: a 30-Day Faith Experiment. It's by Terry Esau. Yesterday I read Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture. I'm not done with Surprise Me, yet. But I have to tell you that if there's any book (other than the Bible) I'm liable to tell people they MUST READ, it's Pausch's book. I am completely humbled by his words.
Destinations have actually been on my mind a lot this week. My brother and I have been discussing our not-so-annual vacation to celebrate our birthdays. (We haven't gone in 2 years, but we had gotten together for several years before that.) It's always a long weekend, usually the weekend in between our birthdays in October. And it's just us, much to The Mother's chagrin, disappointment, consternation--pick one, or add your own!
And, I reason to think we'll try to continue this as we move into relationships. I think it's going to wind up being very healthy and important for us to do it.
Anyway, the Friday Five at RevGalBlogPals is about destinations this week.
Name five places that fall into the following categories:
1) Favorite Destination -- someplace you've visited once or often and would gladly go again Honestly, DisneyWorld. I love being there, it reminds you to be a kid, even when you are fighting to be an adult (can you tell I went as a teenager?).
2) Unfavorite Destination -- someplace you wish you had never been (and why) Hmm..Tulsa. For those of you long-time fans, you know I think Tulsa in July makes an appearance in Dante's work. Otherwise, I don't really have an answer. I've always enjoyed the places that I go, destination-wise. There are some situations I wouldn't visit again, though.
3) Fantasy Destination -- someplace to visit if cost and/or time did not matter Spain. Specifically the Tarragona area. I'm seriously jealous of my parents for going.
4) Fictional Destination -- someplace from a book or movie or other art or media form you would love to visit, although it exists only in imagination Oh, I thought this would be easy! It's not--totally a drew a blank. Narnia is a first, beloved choice. Hazzard County (of Dukes of Hazzard fame), I've always been in love with Bo and Luke Duke. *grin* And, also...because I've always liked the way life seems to move slower there, Greenbow County, Alabama, from Forrest Gump. (As a librarian, I feel like I should be picking more "literary" places. Oh well.) 5) Funny Destination -- the funniest place name you've ever visited or want to visit I'll be honest, I can't think of any place. I'm sure there is one, but it's escaping me. I'll update if I think of one.
Prayer is a joy to some of us, and a chore to others, waiting likewise can be filled with anticipation or anxiety....
Geez..this is SO true. Both that, and knowing that from day to day, I have a different experience with both prayer and waiting.
So how do you wait and pray?
1. How do you pray best, alone or with others? Mostly, I prefer to pray alone. Others wind up being a distraction for me. Not because of anything they set out to do, but because I notice things about them. Like, a sniffle, wiggling a foot, etc.
2. Do you enjoy the discipline of waiting, is it a time of anticipation or anxiety? It really depends on what I'm waiting for. I'd love to say waiting is easy for me, but I have very little patience.
3. Is there a time when you have waited upon God for a specific promise? I am right now. I'm also struggling with the notion that the promise isn't what I want it to be. (Long story short--I'm single and don't like it much.)
4. Do you prefer stillness or action? Again, it depends. Sometimes, I want an answer yesterday. Some days, I'm content to be still and wait until He opts to make a move.
5. If ( and this is slightly tongue in cheek) you were promised one gift spiritual or otherwise what would you choose to receive? I should probably say patience, but then He'd be all about TEACHING me to be patient. I'd like courage, I'd like wisdom. I'd like a deeper knowledge and understanding of Him.
And time..I never feel like I have enough of it and I often fear that I'm not devoting enough to Him.
For more thoughts about prayer and waiting, visit RevGalBlogPals this week.