Fear

CBS is reairing the CSI fifth season closer tonight. It's the one in which one of the CSIs (Nick) is kidnapped from a supposed crime scene and held for ransom. buried in a Plexiglass coffin. For some reason, I didn't see it when it originally aired. I'm riveted (there's an hour left). I don't want to watch because it's just downright hard, but I can't help but watch it.

It's not hard because of the story line itself. Well, it is that...partially because it's the hot guy in this box. But this one pulls up two of my biggest fears--the dark and enclosed spaces.

I know I'm 29 years old and shouldn't be afraid of the dark, but it doesn't work that way. I've never been able to explain it, and probably never will. But, I've got a nightlight in my bedroom (though it is one of those blue lights that's really soft..I just have to have a touchpoint) and never, ever enter a completely dark room alone. If I can't see what's in there or coming at me, I'm not going in. I realize that might make me look paranoid, but I don't particularly care.

The enclosed space thing is probably more common in adults. Claustrophobia. I don't do well in any situation where I'm feeling confined. Elevators are just barely tolerable, if they're mostly empty or I'm within touching distance of someone I know. Large groups are torture--close quarters and strangers touching me, ugh. I'd always just laughed it off, until December. I was having some breathing/lung capacity tests run. It involves being in a small (Plexiglass) vacuum chamber in order to have me breathe into a machine. Two things got me as soon as the door was closed. I was sitting on this stool and the respiratory therapist's voice came from a hole just behind my head (speaker). That meant I was in a sealed container. And then, I realized that my arms were touching the walls of the chamber. That set me on edge. I'm halfway through the first (of three) stages and I shoved the door open. The therapist jumps and tells me to leave the door closed. Told him that wasn't happening.

Ugh..there's thirty minutes left. Even knowing he makes it through, I'm just sitting on the edge of my seat.
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1 Response to "Fear"

  1. Anonymous Says:
    Mar 7, 2006, 8:32:00 PM

    don't connect paranoia with not entering dark spaces. I do not classify myself as paranoid, and neither should you. Dark spaces are dark for good reasons.
    1. someone does not want anyone else to see something in the room.
    2. someone does not want anyone else to see THEM hiding in the room.
    3. it is full of nocturnal creatures.
    4. it is ghostly porthole into another world and needs complete cave-like black hole effects to properly suck you into the inner circle of hell.
    5. the builders are cruel and hide the light switch by the closet on the opposite side of the room.

    *further note of dark terriblness: mirrors in the dark. terrible things. you know what i blame for my mirror phobia? playing bloody mary in my best friend's powder room about 12 years ago. that did it for me for the rest of my natural life. all mirrors must be hung within an arm's length of a light switch.
    pitch black is scary. nothing wrong with that. and further, think of all the people that aren't afraid of darkness. they are scary themselves. they fit right in.
    -me

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